Ludys Adventures

I've been playing around with a little book for my grand daughter. If you don't mind take a look at a very early draft and let me know what you think! This is just another adventure that has been waiting for me. Peace!

 

 

Ludy's Adventure( working on title)

 

 

Sounds of vroom, vroom,vroom, swish slosh, swish slosh, ka choon, ka choon, vroom swish slosh ka choon all accompanied by background music, gushed into Ludy’s room!

*“Seriously, I can’t hear myself think! Where is all this racket coming from? It sounds like a freight train running through my house!” Ludy thought as she tried to play a game on her new Nintendo.

*Ludy finally got fed up and bounded down the stairs to see what all the commotion was.

*The wild noises Ludy heard were coming from the vacuum cleaner, washing machine and dishwasher all running at the same time and Momma listening to some crazy music on Pandora.

*Momma was doing some major spring cleaning! But why now it was midsummer not spring? Then it popped into Ludy’s mind what all the fuss was about; company was coming for dinner from papa’s work. Important company! Ludy now understood why her Momma was a little on the frazzled side.

* Ludy thought, "I desperately need to go out to ‘Violet House’ because this house is driving me crazy, like a fly zooming all around in my head!!! I can't hear myself think much less play my game!”

*Ludy had no idea what was in store for her later that day when she slipped out the sliding back door and headed to the thick woods in their backyard.

*Shrub trees made a thick wall that helped to shut out the rest of the world. “Peace at last” Ludy thought as she entered her special hideaway. She named it “Violet House” because there were millions of wood violets growing around there.

*Inside the shrub tree wall stood a magnificent ancient oak tree. It had giant gnarly roots pushing up through the ground around it's base.They looked like huge octopus tentacles rising up from the deep ocean waters.

*Ludy always felt like there was something extra special about this place, it had a magical kind of feeling that was really hard to explain.

*She had built her playhouse in between the big roots that seemed to separate and form rooms. Looking around Ludy surmised  “this is a place even Oak Fairies would be proud to live.”

*Ludy could play there for hours totally unaware of the goings on in the outside world.

*Today she was making a rug out of leaves, but they wouldn’t stay put because the wind was making it’s way in through the shrub wall. Not giving up, Ludy continued putting the leaves back in place, even though it was beginning to get a little frustrating chasing the leaves all around!

*Violet House, was an extraordinarily special place. It was a place Ludy could go when she needed to think or to just be alone. Sometimes her friends' came there to play and her Momma would make special lunches with apples, peanut butter and extra special good cheese, from the cheese store down the street. The people that owned it always gave Ludy scrumptious samples! Ludy liked the white cheese with the blue green mold in it best of all. Ludy’s Momma would make “healthy water” that had all kinds of fruit and stuff soaking in it, and then put it in a thermos for them to drink. She explained that it would keep them hydrated. Whatever that meant.(note: put recipe for water in back of book.)

*Earlier that day her momma had given her a faded out, old, blue camping blanket they didn't use anymore. Ludy

already had a collection of old ceramic cups, tin camping plates,and some odds and ends forks, spoons and very, very dull knives. Ludy's favorite thing her Momma had given her was an old green vase shaped like a bunch of bluebonnets. Ludy’s Oma had given it to her Momma when she lived in Texas.That made it even more special to Ludy, because she loved her Oma very much.  The vase had a chip on one of the blooms but that didn’t matter, it was still very beautiful.

*Ludy loved all kinds of flowers and her vase was always full of something from the woods or their yard, her Momma would even buy flowers for her sometime, if they were on sale. Today it had dandelion blooms in it but she didn’t know who put them there.

*Because of the wind getting stronger, Ludy’s new blanket wouldn't stay on the branch she had put it on to make a wall. Her stick furniture kept moving to different parts of the room! Wind was fun sometimes and it made great music when it passed through the leaves in the big tree above her. This wind however was interrupting her play time.

*Ludy was getting tired but she wanted to stay in Violet House a while longer. So, she took the blanket from the limb and folded it over to make a sleeping bag. Ludy curled up inside and soon was fast asleep.

Rosemary Theobalt Wootton 7/3/13

*“Leafy”, an oak fairy, fluttered to the top of a deep hole in the back of the giant oak tree. “Oh my! Leafy said quietly.”the human child is asleep and there is a storm coming fast!” Leafy called for the other fairies with her whistle, that only the fairies could hear, kind of like a dog whistle. Viola, Barky, and Dandy Lion, came immediately to see what was going on. The fairies didn’t come to the surface very often during daylight hours. It wasn’t safe for them especially when the birds and cats were around, they didn’t want to end up being someone’s lunch! Barky said, “let’s get out of here it’s not our problem!” Viola responded back “ Barky, that is a horrible thing to say! We are good fairies, and it’s our job to help when we are needed!” Leafy chimed in “We must do something to help!” So the fairies tried sitting on Ludy’s sleeping bag to hold it down in the gusting wind but they were being blown all around. Suddenly, sand started blowing in with the wind and the fairies had an enormous decision to make! “We could use the fairy dust that makes things smaller" said Viola hesitantly, " but we only have a tiny bit and I don’t know if we can get anymore?” Finally,they all decided it was for the best to take Ludy into their underground world,where no human child had gone before! * Sprinkling her with the nearly extinct fairy dust, Ludy was made to fit into their world.Together they all went spiraling, down,down, down, carrying a sleeping Ludy, into the hole that led to Oakland, home of the great Oak Fairy. *The storm up above grew stronger and stronger until you couldn’t see Ludy’s house from the grove of trees. Gratefully, Ludy was safe and sound below ground level with a troop of fairies. Ludy slowly woke up from the effects of the fairy dust to find herself surrounded by bright colorful flickering lights and the slight whispering sounds of flapping fairy wings. “Wh,wh,wh, where am I?” Ludy asked, a little afraid to hear the answer. “You are safe my little friend “ answered Leafy. “We brought you here to keep you safe from the storm roaring above us.”Who, who, who are you?” Ludy stammered. “ We are the ancient guardians to the opening of Oakland, found at the base of the Grand Oak.” replied Dandy Lion. Let us introduce ourselves as Leafy pointed to Viola, “Hello, I’m Viola and I am very shy. I have a special gift of becoming invisible when it is necessary, and I love purple” Leafy directed her gaze toward Dandy Lion “ Hi! I’m Dandy Lion, I am not shy I’m funny, my gift is making others sneeze when I want them to. You can just call me Dandy!” They all turned to look at Leafy, “Hello, child. My name is Leafy and I am the granddaughter of the Great Oak ________ I am the leader of all the fairy clans, my gifts are varied, I can hear what others are thinking when it involves someone’s safety, I can see into the future but only when it is for protection of my clans, I also can call down mountains of leaves at a moments notice! I love green and have been accused of excessive mothering. Now tell us about you!
Rosemary Theobalt Wootton 7/6/13

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I want to be a burden to my children...

I know it sounds a little crazy to want to be a burden to our children (grandchildren, friends, etc.)! This is a topic Hartley and I have talked about for years! We started this conversation when Hartley was in school at Duke, studying under Stanley Hauerwas. Dr. Hauerwas taught about death and dying in one of Hartley's classes and it went something like this;

• We need to be taught how to die
• Dying in your sleep without pain or the realization that you are dying is not a blessing
• Depending on a faith community of friends and family to walk with you through the process is a blessing (even if it means "being a burden")
• "It is a gift to live into your dying"
• Presence and prayer bring comfort and help alleviate fear.
• To learn how to die we must see someone die well.
• In The Book of Common Prayer in the Great Litany, there’s the prayer, “save me from all oppression, conspiracy, and rebellion; from violence, battle, and murder; and from dying suddenly and unprepared.” In the Middle Ages, what people feared was not death, they feared God. They prayed to be saved from a sudden death because they wanted to have time to repent and have their lives appropriately positioned to face God. Now we just fear death.
• "Friendship with God is the good that should form both how we live and how we die. When we learn how to be friends with God we learn something about what it means to die well."

Now that you have that taste of "learning to die well" I'd like to share with you a story about my mom and her death.

Momma told me, and everyone around her. that she would never ever be a burden to anyone and also said," I'll go out behind the barn and shoot myself before I will be a burden."!
Thankfully, we didn't have a barn when Mother began to have declining health!
My Momma was a very strong and independent woman never wanting to owe anyone anything. (She didn't mind other people owing her though)
She was a self made woman, owning numerous businesses.  Her last business was a diner/tea room with her sister, when she was 80!
Momma had a series of illnesses and complications plus the fact that she was legally blind. But she still wanted to drive, so I would take her to Wal-Mart so she could drive the motorized shopping carts!
Momma began having hallucinations (visions as she called them) and major paranoid phobias.
After numerous hospitalizations a decision had to be made, nursing home or our house. Momma accepted our house. Remember, this is the woman that didn't want to be a burden to anyone and now she is finding herself in a place of dependence on me, Hartley and our children. This was a big dose of pride she had to swallow!
We added a toilet and sink in our little spare bedroom,brought in a twin bed in place of the double bed and wallah Momma's space was ready before she got out of the hospital.
Hartley and I took turns with a paid caregiver during the day and it worked out well.
Momma took a sharp turn for the worse, about a month after she moved in with us, so back to the hospital (don't get me started on that). After 10 days of staying with her day and night so she got the proper care I asked a doctor directly "Is my Mother dying?" He hesitantly replied, "yes."  He said it was a "failure to thrive". My reaction was,"why the hell are we still here, call hospice! I am taking her home!"
Hospice beat us to the house! The hospital bed was in place and a nurse was ready to teach Hartley and I how to take care of Momma's physical and medical needs.
Before Anna, our hospice nurse, left I began to cry. "I can't do this! I can't do this!" It was like going home from the hospital with your first baby, there wasn't a manual for this. Anna hugged me and said she was just a phone call away and yes, you can do this.
I think this is when the above "bullet points" kicked in.
I stayed by Momma's side most of the day and all of the night. I sang to her, read to her and constantly held her hand. One time she squeezed my hand and said "enough singing"! Another time my brother, Coy, and Hartley were turning her for a suppository when she perked up and said, "I'm gonna poot on you". They both died laughing!  I must say, Hartley was Momma's Prince! He did all the lifting, shots. suppositories, and clean up. (especially when my gag reflexes were working overtime)  He was my hero through it all as well!
We continued having our regular weekly "life group" meetings and everyone would go in and pray for her or just touch her hand. When it was time for "communion" to be taken, someone from the group would go in and serve Momma. The last morsel of food she took in was "the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ".
Most of Momma's friends and all of her family had made it in to see her.  Leaving her with a blessing and taking a blessing back with them.
Time was coming to an end, as we know it, for Momma. We called in our children and community of faith to pray the prayer service for the dying from The Book of Common Prayer. There were about 20 of us there including momma's sister and 2 nieces. It was truly a glorious moment, the Spirit of God was so beautifully evident in that sacred space. After the prayer service everyone filed out after leaving momma with a kiss or a touch, to a meal we had prepared for them.  We spent the evening telling stories while we ate, laughed and cried.
The house, now empty and quiet, as I sat with momma a few more days until she took her final breath and made the journey to her heavenly home.
I feel like momma died perfectly. And it made such an impact on so many people, young and old, that participated in her death journey.
It was 7 years, June 18th, that momma died but I remember it like yesterday. Often when I receive communion I remember for her it was the last taste she experienced before meeting "The One" face to face that had provided that sacrament for her.
Momma's death journey obviously is not the only way to die, but when it is possible, try to allow your loved ones to be a burden on you. It is truly a life changing event, that will live with you until it's your time to be a "blessed burden".
We do not know how or when a friend or a loved one will make the journey of death, so let's try to love them really well so we don't have any regrets when that time arrives.
Peace, till we visit again! Remember life's full of wonderful adventures awaiting and death happens to be one of them.
I want to take this space to say thank you to Dr. Stanley Hauerwas for all he taught Hartley and vicariously taught me. Thank you Dr. Hauerwas!

Loss

I am thinking a lot about loss today.  Not a real happy train of thought but sometimes a necessary one because none of us escapes losses.  My precious husband has a dear friend and past employer that has just experienced the death of his  his only son, Walt, at the age of 33; the autopsy said Walt had died of a massive heart attack.  I want to share a portion of a letter Hartley sent to his friend.

"Grief comes in numerous packages and it is often
masked by anger toward the only one who could have done something to
prevent your tragedy, God. It's okay to tell him just how mad you are;
He's big enough to take a frontal assault and gracious enough to
recognize it is the product of a pain for which there are no adequate
answers to the question, "Why?"

As Christians I suppose the only redemptive thing to look for in such
an event is the recollection that ultimately our hope is not here; it's
not in material well being and the illusion of security it gives, not
in our plans for the future, and not even in our children, despite the
emotional and material investment they represent; rather, our hope is
in a future which we are powerless to produce, a future in which all
that is wrong now finally will be made right; it is a future which God
alone is able to make happen.

Please feel free to call any time you wish. You can cuss God
all you want with me; you should feel free to express whatever you are
feeling, whether it is in the form of sadness and tears, bewilderment,
anger, abandonment, or whatever it happens to be. I'm available at any
time, really.

Your friend,
Hartley"

Loss whether it is the loss of a child, a marriage, a friendship even a business sends us into places of grief and anger we could never imagine ourselves going.  It's okay, go ahead and go there just don't go alone. This calls for your community of faith,wonderful counselors and true friends whether near you or far away to walk this path with you.   I recall a scripture, "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love."
In time, the intenseness of the grief will gradually fade and we will be able to feel semi normal again.
You who are suffering are not alone. I may not know you personally but I will be more than happy to walk along side you and uphold you in my prayers.
There are so many types of losses, and all are very painful, and all need time to heal.
 I wish you PEACE until we visit again, and feel free to leave me a comment or prayer request. I take these very seriously and I am here and will walk with you to the best of my ability.
I dedicate this post to Connally and Bolivia Powell . May Walt rest in peace.
Thank you Hartley for allowing me to show your heart and your love for your friend.

 

   

Friends

I had breakfast with a precious friend a couple of days ago. We had a great time and caught up on all the happenings with our husbands and kids and grand kids. Then the conversation took a turn, a wonderful turn. We began to talk about memories, what we meant to each other, the changes and love we had brought to one another over the years.
I started thinking about friendships and how they evolve and grow taking different shapes as our lives change and grow.
Here's a great definition of "friend" from the Urban Dictionary it's not too spiritual, but it does have something to say!

"A real friend is someone who: a) it's okay to fart in front of. b) you don't mind talking to on the bus for at least 20 minutes. c) can borrow $5 and never has to pay it back d) you'll actually call up do stuff.   Bob: "Hey Jim, you wanna go see a show downtown" Jim: "Sorry man, I'm broke, and how are we gonna get there." Bob: "No problem, I'll lend you the 5 bucks and we'll take the bus." Jim: "Yeah, okay" (loud farting sound) Bob: "Whoah! That was a good one!" I have a couple of examples of friendships I watch intently and hopefully, have learned from. Michael W. Smith sings "a friend's a friend forever... And a lifetime's not too long to live as friends." My daughter, Emily, has one of those friends. She is 33 now and Mary Elizabeth has been her friend since fourth grade. How long is that? They text almost daily, talk when Mary's phone works, visit yearly, and think of each other momently. They have traveled the world and back together, watched each other fall in and out of love until finally both (at about the same time) found wonderful husbands. I have been so blessed to see this relationship grow through the years. Honestly I am pretty envious of them! But they have worked at their friendship, making space in their lives for each other. It is truly grand to watch! (These two only lived in the same town for about three years before we moved half way across the country) Let me tell you a little about another set of friends. My husband and John have been friends since second grade ( they are both 57 now). They played, camped, smoked, drank, fought, and collected a mass of pocket knives together. Sometimes when I hear them haggling over a knife, one or the other will say something like "no, you just hold onto it; no need to buy it, just hang on to it for me for a while." This goes on year after year! John is the kind of friend that will drop and run if you are in need. He has been there for Hartley at times no one else would give him the time of day! They talk every day, play guitars about twice a week, and we have dinner together about once a month, or more. It's a lifetime friendship, and as noted in the lyrics above, "a lifetime's not too long to live as friends." Friendships like these are few and far between, and you're lucky if you have one. I have to remind myself I have really good friendships even if they don't look like the two described above. I don't have a friendship like Emily and Mary, or Hartley and John. I wish I did but I don't. But I have wonderful friends! We move in and out of each others lives, gracefully flowing back and forth; it's always easy to pick up where we last left off. I am blessed with my lifetime friendships but still long for one of those that uses the back door unannounced with a piece of pie asking if the coffee is on! (I think there may be one on  my horizon because as I get older I won't have the time constraints that bog me down now!) My friend Jo and I used to have that kind of "backdoor"relationship. We would pick up each others kids from school and call to say we had their kids and dinner would be ready at 6! While the kids played, we would talk about our dreams and our plans for the future. We laughed a lot. We cried a lot. We shared our hearts always! Time and circumstances changed and so did we. Hartley and I moved to Kansas City, MO, Durham, NC, and Waco, Texas before we ended up back in the same town again with Jo and Dru nearly 27 years later. We always stayed in touch and would visit once or twice a year, always gracefully flowing back into each others lives. For example, Jo would come to Texas and help me with huge weddings. I'll never forget one time, I asked her if she wanted to finish a big arrangement (retailing at $400); she said sure, and started cramming hydrangeas in it like she had been doing it for a lifetime! (Hartley and Dru would be somewhere smoking pipes and talking theology. They have been friends since they were about 5 years old.) One time Jo came to Dallas, as a support group of one, when Emily and I were doing a floral demonstration and speaking to a really exclusive Dallas Garden Club (Laura Bush was a member in absentia, while they were in the White House). I couldn't have made it through without her saying you guys are going to be great! We are in the same town again but as time has passed and life has continued, our friendship is different than when we lived here way back when. It is still a deep seated, honest to goodness friendship that has just taken another shape. I got a call from Jo the other day while she was driving to Little Rock to pick up Dru after a mission trip to Haiti. We talked almost the whole trip! It was wonderful! Jo isn't much for long phone conversations so I felt very special indeed! Time and space change things in even the closest of friendships but it doesn't mean that they change for the worse. They just change. I love Jo and she loves me and if called upon, would lay down her life for me. I am so truly grateful for her friendship--whatever shape it happens to take. Jo is a lifetime kind of friend. My mind is flooded with names of wonderful people that have walked through my life and I through theirs; friendships which look different from each other but are each as rich and full of love as one could hope for! I cherish my friendships and pray that I will be there for each of them as they have been there for me. Remember "a lifetime's not too long to live as friends"! Peace, till we visit again and nurture and enjoy the adventure of friendship!

 

Be Aware! Mental Health Awareness Month

It was Memorial Day weekend and if I was going to post about Mental Health Awareness Month I needed to get my butt in gear!  Thinking I would write about awareness of mental issues in the church, I had a surprising turn around in my direction.
I met Ms. Bettie.  She is about 80 years old and she is bi-polar and not on her MEDs.  Sweet sweet little lady but definitely in the midst of a manic episode.
I was waiting on her at our annual sale when she turned to me and said " I'm bi-polar and I am not taking my lithium anymore because I don't like the way it makes me feel."  Now that's a conversation starter if I ever heard one!  I replied " isn't  that interesting  I am bi-polar as well!"  I told her that I had gone through many different medications before I found a regimen that I could live with.  All the while we were talking she was gathering.  It was more like hoarding than shopping!  Five or more of one item and up to ten of another item all the while talking about needing gifts for this one or that one and some she wanted just in case she might have someone to give it to.  I knew the symptoms all to well.  I had worked at a store that had really cute dollar items that I gathered daily and stashed them away under my counter like a squirrel preparing for winter.   Actually I had enough squirreled away for several winters! (Still have some in a drawer and I haven't worked there in 4 years!)
I wasn't exactly sure what I should do for Ms. Bettie.  I knew I didn't like to be "handled" when I was experiencing symptoms like her's.  What do you do when you know someone is in need and has even told you so!  Well, one thing I did was terribly wrong.
May I use you as my priest for a moment.  You need to understand that I am a cracker jack salesperson and this looked like the perfect storm!  I suggested an item I knew she would buy just because I showed it to her.  She took all of them and I felt like throwing up for taking advantage of another human being suffering from a mental illness that had complete control of her.  I was so ashamed of myself.  I had even been fighting off making purchases in bulk myself and here I was feeding  her illness. I need forgiveness, please!
After stocking up for a while she took a break to check on her
husband waiting (not so patiently) in the car.  I heard him shouting at her about where in the world are we going to put all these things because there is no more room in our house!
When she returned they had decided to leave and go to lunch because her husband's blood sugar was dropping and he was getting a little agitated with her.  I took a deep sigh of relief thinking that she might forget all the things we had put aside ( around $400 worth of stuff!)
My boss thought it would be best if we just put all the items back into stock (stroke of genius on her part) and if they came back we would just deal with it then.  I didn't have a clue how I would approach her with the news I had put her stuff back out for sale after spending about an hour picking it all out!  Maybe just maybe she wouldn't return and I wouldn't have to deal with it.
Moments later they drove back up after a quick sandwich at DQ.  (What do I do now?)  I gathered myself up and walked out to the drivers side of the car and motioned for her husband to put down the window.  I laid my hand on his arm and told him that I too was bi-polar and understood what his wife was going through and that I would like to help her shop if it would be okay with him. He was obviously moved by my willingness to work with his wife and he said that would be wonderful and please help her find things for herself. Then I broached the subject of putting her things back in stock! Ms. Bettie was not happy with me! But I promised to help her find the things she really wanted and needed. Ms. Bettie got out of the car and we walked together to the sale area and proceeded to shop together! After making some really good decisions I noticed that she had "snuck" a few extra items into her pile. I screwed my confidence up and said "Ms. Bettie this is the last item you are going to buy today." She smiled at me and promised that was the last item and we shook hands on it!
We ended up our time together exchanging phone numbers and addresses, big hugs and lots of kisses! Before leaving the parking lot they backed up and called for me to come to the car and she gave me a copy of the "Upper Room", a Methodist devotional. She wanted us to do daily devotions in sync.  I was blessed.
I have heard from Ms. Bettie and directed her to my psychiatrist.  I hope he will be as good for her as he has been for me.
Mental Health Awareness Month is coming to an end but our awareness never should.
Peace, till we visit again! Stay present, feel your butt in your chair, wiggle your toes and remember to breath!
Names have been changed to protect the innocent.(I used my crazy girlfriends name! Thanks Bettie!

Update on Ms. Bettie, She is safely in hospital under the care of an excellent psychiatrist! Her husband called me this morning just to say thanks and where she was! Pray for her husband as well it is very difficult to be a caregiver in these situations. Thanks and Peace till we visit again!

Walking is not just walking!

I have started to walk again! I have listened to people tell me over and over and over "you just need  to walk, you will feel so much better"! Well it takes a lot of effort and energy sometime to just get out of the chair! Depression and anxiety can put a tub full of glue in your seat! Some people just don't get that! It's not that I haven't wanted to walk or that I was being stubborn I just couldn't get up and out of the chair!
What has made me start to move now? Don't have a clue! It just started sounding like a good thing to do! I also started thinking that it might feel good to be in the fresh air. ( Pause) Fresh air that's a new concept, being inside all the time can be stifling mentally and physically. So now I walk.
Walking can't be just walking for me. I have decided that walking can be pretty boring! (Side step) My counselor is continually reminding me to stay present! "Feel your butt in the chair, wiggle your feet, breath in breath out" it is wonderful advise where ever you happen to be ( even if you are not in a chair you can feel your butt). I am taking this advise on my walks. I stop, breath ( not  just to stop the panting), feel my butt, look around, smell, (not connected to breathing), and listen. It is truly amazing how present you can become and the gifts you are opening up to receive! (Off track) do you still have to say I before e except after c ? I just had to!
My last walk I took my dog and my camera ( crazy combination try taking a picture holding back a 67lb Airedale terrier!). We live in a National Park and only a block from our house is the entrance to West Mountain (photos following). Not having walked much lately it was quite a pull up to my turn around spot!

Starting point!

 Dog "Joe"

 

 Warning Climb Ahead!









Stop, feel butt, listen, wiggle toes, breath, take picture of something!

Summit? No Way, this is my turn
around spot!

 Tired dog! I found that making weird pitched whistling noises he would stop and look up at me! Click!

 

 Home again Home again! Don't be fooled into thinking I climbed a huge mountain because our whole journey was only about a mile!






Surprise!!! I heard a tiny muted thump when something dropped into my path ahead of me! Can you see what it was? Comment if you see it! Sorry it's not the best of photos but maybe you can spot it!

This takes walking beyond walking; it's an adventure! Peace, till we visit again and try to remember to feel your butt in the chair!

Not blogging about Mothers Day!

I should be writing about Mothers Day today but I'm not! Lots of people will be doing that. I do want to take a few lines to say how much I love my children and how truly wonderful they are. So I love you Emily and Richard and just in case you don't read my blog I'll give you a call!
 My mom died June 18, 2006 and seldom does a day pass that I don't think "I need to call mom and tell her..." I guess that will never stop. Mom told me that after  "blank" number of years when Sunday came she would still reach for the phone to give her mother a call. Well I have started to write about Mothers Day after all! It is a very emotional day for me as I am  sure it is for so many of you for so many different reasons. Bless you all and capture what fond memories you can this Mothers Day!
Now that I am not blogging about Mothers Day I guess I will share a story/poem I wrote for my mom.

I knew Mothers Day was close

I saw the plants with little pink and white balls as we rode past on the way to school.

Watching these balls change to flowers I knew it was time.

Riding my bike down the hill by our house with a pocket full of change I made for the Peony Patch!

The gardeners garage was open and full of buckets filled with

Pink , white, deep red peonies.

The smell was overwhelming, I couldn’t turn my nose off as I put my face down to the bucket. I was in peony heaven!

The gardener separated the blooms into groups . Some were for the flower shops others for people just stopping in and then the buckets that were just not quite right for the stores those were the buckets for me. I stayed and stayed searching through each bucket until I had a bunch that I was proud of. The gardener wrapped them in paper and tied them with a coarse string as I pulled out my handfuls of change. Secretly hoping I had enough to buy the ones I had chosen. The gardener said that I had just the right amount!

With peonies under arm I began the trek home up the hill. Huffing and puffing while pushing my bike most of the way I arrived with a crinkled package and a red face.

Momma would always look surprised even if she did know where I had gone! “Beautiful “she said as she gave me a huge hug and a kiss and a drink to cool off.

For my Momma February 24,1918 - June 18 ,2006

    
      

Dream Safe!

I haven't posted in a while because I needed  time to deal with some disappointments. You know from earlier posts the plans we had made about teaching English as a foreign language. You also know from previous posts  that didn't pan out. The last couple of weeks I have been trying to work through my disappointment.
I didn't really have a plan for dealing with disappointment because my expectations were so high for these plans working in our favor. I don't think that having high expectations is a bad thing. Expectations add excitement to life! Expectations add joy to life! We need expectations to live!  However, we also need to learn to deal with unfulfilled expectations as they are simply a part of life.
Some of the feelings that I experience with unfulfilled expectations ( disappointments) are anger, extreme anxiety sadness, depression, as well as failure.
What do I do with those emotions? I may cry, pout, shout, shut down, give up or turn around and put all my stock in another plan!
I feel like these emotions and reactions to disappointments are okay and even normal  for a season, as long as that season doesn't turn into a very long and cold winter. 
Hartley gives me great perspective on negative emotions he tells me " this too will pass". He is oh so right!  Only in the midst of them that  for me that is very hard to hear but it is definitely true.
I am learning ( at 56 years old) to look at my disappointments and try to understand  them. Why did this particular disappointment hurt so much?
I had to look at how much weight I was placing on the expectations of a positive outcome. I felt like our entire future was based on a positive outcome of this expectation. That is way out of whack!
I have to learn to put the right amount of emotional weight on each expectation. That is not easy to do when you're the kind of person that dreams really big dreams and can make up a future that has all the sights and sounds of reality in a moment's time! ( I take MEDs for this) All kidding aside putting too much weight on a situation can cause devastating  consequences. It's time to lighten up a little on the emotional weight we put on expectations, for our emotional as well as physical health. Big hard lesson for me to learn!
I need to allow myself  to dream but not let my dreams drag me into a false reality that can easily turn into a nightmare.
The "disappointment effect" can be overcome and lessened with each disappointment if we learn to live in the now and also become aware of how much weight we are putting on a positive outcome.
Heavy stuff for a little old ladies blog about stuff I should have learned half a lifetime ago. I promise to lighten up in the next post! Well, peace till we visit again! Keep dreaming but dream safe!

Dreams

Beautiful  isn’t it!  What I would give to get to live in a place like this. I have had dreams of a silent retreat, a place to recoup and refresh. A place like in Tolkien's words "a perfect house, whether you like food or sleep or storytelling or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all." This has been my dream for many many years. But ( I hate buts) it is still just a dream. I wrote a poem about dreams the other day it is not a very happy poem and I am a little afraid to share it with you because it shows some of my worst sides, anger, disappointment, jealousy. I would assume you like my funnier side. Will you stay with me if you know my darker side? I think I will risk it.

Dreams , I think are haunting spirits.
Not the dreams of sleep.
The deep, longing , dreams of when you are fully awake.
Dreams you can see in that other eye and feel on your skin and make you scream inside for things far from reach.
Dreams , I think are haunting spirits that suck the air from your lungs,
That tease and taunt and call to mind all that isn't.
Dreams are soul stealers that keep you from living what is called now.
These are dreams , I think .

Not everyone gets to live their "dream" so maybe we can just live now. Peace . 12:44 AM 4/13/2013

Well are you still there? I don’t always think sweet birdsong thoughts but it doesn’t make those thoughts any less true than the ones I have here. I still dream of a place like Rivendell but maybe it isn’t on this side. If I find it here you are more than welcome anytime. Peace, till we visit again!

Adventure in the neighborhood!

I told you that I was going to try to make everything into an adventure so I decided that taking a walk could be an adventure! I worked all morning trying to learn to work my new camera then took off outside around the house!

These beauties were one of the first I saw!  Beautiful weeds in my front yard! I won’t mow till they are gone! (Our neighbors love us)

The pic above must look like a blob of greens!  But the stalks are growing and the ants are coming (they can’t bloom without the ants helping them) and they will soon be beautiful pink and white peonies! My absolute - almost - pretty sure my favorite flower!  When I was a kid there was what I called “the peony patch” Just down the hill from my house.  I loved going down there when they were in bloom. It was an adventure! It was always near Mothers Day so I would get on my bike and head down the hill to the patch and  pilfer through the buckets and buy the best of the “seconds” for my mom!  (The first grade quality went to florists around the area). It’s kind of sad that now you can get peonies almost year round.    Now they are grown in several different states and countries with different growing seasons like Washington State, Oregon, South America, New Zealand, Israel and Holland. I just look forward to them in my yard in May! ( I’ll take a picture when they bloom )

• Can you see what I caught in the lens? It's a May Fly I think on this Japanese Maple!  I’m still in my yard! I guess you don’t have to go too far to  find an adventure! This bush is heavenly when in full bloom!  Its name is “Bridal Wreath”. I just gush over it when using it in a wedding.  It leaves a little snow of blooms following the bride down the aisle!

I finally made it out of my yard and 3 houses up the street!  I’m curious if the folks inside were looking out their windows as I wandered into their front yards!  This is a Dogwood, and the state flower of Arkansas and  also a symbol of the Church.  I love the symbolism of the crucifixion of Christ, nature has done a beautiful depiction of a horrific experience.  Check out this description of the symbolism: http://www.visualforces.com/christian/photography/nature/the-dogwood/.

Last but not least the lowly Dandy Lion! Unless you were just overwhelmed with allergies as a child this little bloom was a wonder! Fully bloomed you would pluck it up and blow! Wonder of wonders as you watched the individual petals drifted up, up and away!

A walk in the neighborhood can be an adventure as well as a walk down memory lane so get out there maybe take your camera and share with me  what you find! Peace, till we visit again! Happy Trails To You!

What If's and Promises....

I woke up from a nap this afternoon singing "what ifs and promises" I scrambled to the computer thinking it was the "Love Story" theme. Not that! So I typed in random words I thought I knew and it was "We've only just begun" by the Carpenters."What if's'" must have been in my thoughts because I had planned to blog about them again today. What ifs and promises, a kiss for luck and we're on our way, we've only just begun. It's "white lace and promises" dim whit! ( Me not you my precious readers)! It sure did seem to fit what I was ready to blog about, shoot I thought I had the perfect segue into my blog!
I feel like I need to apologize to my readers. I almost feel like I lied to you, but I promise I will never ever do that!
If you remember in the first blog I laid out a plan that Hartley and I thought we would be following. It was kind of a list (without the bullet points because I hadn't learned about this at the time). Then we talked about the what ifs, remember? The list started off with "what if Hartley doesn't pass the course?". It didn't even occur to me to start that list with "what if Hartley doesn't get into the program?"  This is a very very smart man we are talking about! He has a B.A., M. Div. and a Th.M. That last degree was from Duke I am very proud to say! This is no dummy but he was not accepted into the Bridge CELTA program in Denver. Needless to say we have had a very upside down kind of a few days. I didn't want to blog because I was embarrassed and felt like I had misled you in some way. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I thought this could happen but I didn't give it much weight at all. If I had given it any weight you would have known about it. We were banking on this. Hopes were high, dreams awakening, adventure was just ahead!
Now what? Now that we have sort of caught our breath and almost stopped wanting to hurt someone Hartley is looking at other certifications. These may not carry the same weight as a CERTA but folks are teaching English all over the world with less.
My blog started out with us going on an adventure and Hartley reminded me that anything can be an adventure. My pledge to you is to look for an adventure in everything I do and hopefully inspire you to the same.

"Sharing horizons that are new to us. Watching the signs along the way. Talkin' it over, just the two of us. Workin' together day to day, together, together"

Read more: THE CARPENTERS - WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN LYRICS  A little corny but a little inspirational too!
Peace, till we visit again! Thanks for reading today!

          

I'm a leaper!

Good afternoon! You need to know something about me. I have a little manic tendency to jump into something with both feet. No research, study, not much thought, I'm a "leaper". It seems no medicines, husband, friends can stop me before I leap!
My blog for example:
Post #1 I heard some words from a friend's mouth and by that evening the first post was up for the world to see! I didn't know about formatting, how to add color (properly), didn't use spell check (I didn't know where it was and I was afraid if I didn't push publish it was never going to happen), didn't have a real "theme" that would make my blog followable, I just jumped in!

POST #2 still hadn't found spell check but I loved playing with the colors! I have no idea how I ended up with such a mishmash! There was also this problem with random bold print showing up here and there! I was trying to stick to a themeish (my word) sort of line but I am not really sure it happened.
The theme "Adventure Awaiting." Hartley says that can be anything from getting married to learning underwater basket weaving! I have to have a solid theme(it's yet to come). I figured out the bold bit! This laptop (bless Charlotte for it) has spirits living in it and when you press certain buttons like B for example words turn bold,sometimes.
Post #3 found spell check! I also found a customize your format place! I can't always get back to these places even if they are right in front of me! It's a learning not leaping kind of thing now! I still don't know how that 14" of blankness got on the end of my blog!
Post #4 spell check checked! Got a new font from a spot at the top of my blog that says Design! My whole world changed! Colors, new fonts, customizing my blog, (each area can have its own font how cool is that!) And then there were "gadgets"! I wanted every gadget I could find until I looked at the monster I had created. Things were flashing and moving along the sides of the post that made it totally unreadable! It was fun though! Another "leaper" kind of behavior!
Post#5 Looks good and since I like to hear myself talk I think it sounds pretty good too! Yeah! Spell check! Now is there a button for commas and stuff?
Post#6 Love what I've got to say and looks good too! Now for a theme.
Peace until we visit again! Happy April Fools Day! I'm not really looking for a theme!!!

Pot Holes,Ruts and Bumps in the Road

When I was pregnant with our first child I would walk, climb stairs anything to start the labor. I was so tired! I was tired of mother saying "it's a full moon,(waning or waxing didn't matter) surely she will come tonight" or "let's eat something really spicy and see if that will help". Oh, how tired I was of old wives tales!
The one thing I think really did help (in my mind at least) was riding around in an old delivery van that was bumpy as HELLO! Hartley and I would laugh as this huge person in the passenger seat would flop around, grab for the door, look for anything to hold on to! (Wet my pants and hope it was my water breaking). Inevitably his route would take him to the back forty of east bageezus!!!! With every washed out rut and pot hole I just knew my water was about to break! No such luck! My water didn't break for another week or so while we were having a relaxing dinner and a huge slab of coconut pie at The Club Cafe! The waitresses were so excited cause we were like family there. We had eaten there since we were in high chairs and now a new generation was about to appear!
Like you we have all hit bumps in the road. Some have only made us reach for the oh ---- handle, others caused a flat tire, while others have caused a wreck with irreparable damage. In our lives we have experienced all of these. I can talk about some stories while other stories even if I was a part of them they are for someone else to tell in their own time. I choose to protect the rights of others especially when I call them family.
After I was in college for a year I was convinced God was calling me to work in a home for women with various problems. The original vision was a place where Christian women could live and learn together as they went about their individual routines. That changed to unwed mothers, runaways, drug addicts, damaged and abused women and children ( our youngest in the house was14) with several babies running around. Doesn't sound  like a bad gig for a 70's Jesus Movement convert just looking for the Heart of God ? It was! A POT HOLE of almost irreparable damage. Sure I learned a  lot from the experience like how to strip and wax floors, clean nasty toilets, cook for 20 plus a day, and listen to our leader explain that she was Gods voice to me. That last part sounded like the time to ditch that gig!
I don't think my precious angel of a daughter would like to be referred to as a pothole! Her arrival came a little earlier than the wedding bells. For me and her daddy that was perfectly fine. For some others it was a bit more unsettling to say the least. This bump( no pun intended) was one I just had to hold onto my seat for a few seconds! This bump became Grace for me. I will be eternally grateful for Emily Afton!
Much later in my life symptoms that I had had all along became a sink hole (much larger than pot holes). A wrong diagnosis of bipolar disorder and an uber string of medicines that sent me into a world of darkness. Leaving me with no memories of a month worth of events ( the no memories part was probably good for me, not for my precious husband that had to watch some pretty awful stuff.) It was about six months before I could hear the birds and feel the sunshine and unwrap from my cocoon and crawl out into some sense of living again.At this moment I can hear  the birds are singing "pritty pritty"and I am alive and ready for my adventure.
 Potholes, ruts, washed out roads, and even sink holes can't hold you back for long even if they take your adventure in a different direction it's still an adventure!
Peace, till we visit again! I'll post soon about how our adventure is developing after hitting a pot hole!
Happy Easter ~ He is risen ~ He is risen indeed ~ Amen

Lists can be life savers...

Good morning! You got a list going for today, this week or for this year?
I am starting to believe I may be addicted to lists. I don't feel like this is a bad thing, actually I think it is good! My counselor is always saying stay on your routine, keep your list, it keeps you centered and can save your life I confess I routinely don't stay on my routine! Bunny trails are a weakness!
From the inception of "Another adventure may still be in us!" there have been more than one list  posted possibly one in each post. Now I am wondering if lists are a cop out to "real writing" or a concise way to get out a lot of info.
Who else do we know that have successfully used lists in getting their points across.

• God~ The 10 commandments
• Jesus~ The Beatitudes
• The founding fathers~The Bill of Rights
• Santa~ Naughty and Nice
• Benjamin Franklin~ 13 Virtues
• Craig~ Craigslist.com

Send me lists that have meant something to you! I would love to hear them!
Personally, I think lists are a snapshot of a whole lot more  you have to say about what's going on. I'm thinking my lists of the earlier posts will probably turn into a post later. Maybe the lists are just holding my thoughts till I need them! One more list!

• Preachers~ 3 points and a poem

Peace, till we visit again!

Not cold feet just an attack of What ifs!

When I was pregnant with our first child I would walk, climb stairs anything to start the labor. I was so tired! I was tired of mother saying "it's a full moon,(waning or waxing didn't matter) surely she will come tonight" or "lets eat something really spicy and see if that will help".Oh, how tired I was of old wives tales!
The one thing I think really did help (in my mind at least) was riding around in an old delivery van that was bumpy as HELLO! Hartley and I would laugh as this huge person in the passenger seat would flop around, grab for the door, look for anything to hold on to!(wet my pants and hope it was my water breaking). Inevitably his route would take him to the back forty of east bageezus!!!! With every washed out rut and pot hole I just knew my water was about to break! No such luck! My water didn't break for another week or so while we were having a relaxing dinner and a huge slab of coconut pie at The Club Cafe! The waitresses were so excited cause we were like family there. We had eaten there since we were in high chairs and now a new generation was about to appear!
Like you we have all hit bumps in the road. Some have only made us reach for the oh ---- handle, others caused a flat tire, while others have caused a wreck with irreparable damage.In our lives we have experienced all of these.I can talk about some stories while other stories even if I was apart of them they are for someone else to tell in their own time. I choose to protect the rights of others especially when I call them family.
After I was in college for a year I was convinced God was calling me to work in a home for women with various problems.The original vision was for a place where Christian women could live and learn together as they went about their individual routines. That changed to unwed mothers, runaways, drug addicts, damaged and abused women and children ( our youngest in the the house was14) with several babies running around.Doesn't sound  like a bad gig for a 70's Jesus Movement convert just looking for the Heart of God ? It was! A POT HOLE of almost irreparable damage. Sure I learned a  lot from the experience like how to strip and wax floors, clean nasty toilets, cook for 20 plus a day, and listen to our leader explain that she was Gods voice to me. That last part sounded like the time to ditch that gig!
I don't think my precious angel of a daughter would like to be referred to as a pot hole!Her arrival came a little earlier than the wedding bells. For me and her daddy that was perfectly fine. For some others it was a bit more unsettling to say the least.This bump( no pun intended) was one I just had to hold onto my seat for a few seconds! This bump became Grace for me. I will be eternally grateful for Emily Afton!
Much later in my life symptoms that I had had all along became a sink hole (much larger than pot holes). A wrong diagnosis of bipolar disorder and an uber bstring of medicines that sent me into a world of darkness. Leaving me with no memories of a months worth of events ( the no memories part was probably good for me, not for my precious husband that had to watch some pretty awful stuff.) It was about six months before I could hear the birds and feel the sunshine and unwrap from my cocoon and crawl out into some sense of living again.At this moment I can hear  the birds are singing "pritty pritty"and I am alive and ready for my adventure.
 Potholes, ruts, washed out roads, and even sink holes can't hold you back for long even if they take your adventure in a different direction it's still an adventure!
Peace, till we visit again! I'll post soon about how our adventure is developing after hitting a pot hole!
Happy Easter ~ He is risen ~ He is risen indeed ~ Amen

So much stuff in my brain that wants to get blogged out!

I am so excited about the stuff running around in my brain that I want to post! Some times I think I could do it every few minutes! Wouldn't you love that!
What a day! We were chasing our tails doing "getting ready for our adventure stuff" while having to do just everyday stuff that has to just get done!Without a list we wouldn't get anything accomplished.So I thought you might like to see what yesterdays looked like!

• get hair cut for passport pic
• put passport papers in pile(we picked up the forms earlier so we could do them at home cause it was much easier that way.)
• go to post office for pic and turn in papers( take $ ours cost roughly $152 each)
• call Stuart(our dentist cause we don't know about the medical system yet, like how long it takes for a new patient to get an appointment for example)
• make appointment with Dr.for overall check up (not SHOTS yet PTL!)
• go to grocery store( this is the time to start making a conscience effort to have friends and family over you need to keep those connections strong never know you may have to move in with them some day)
• o to landscaping place( our yard needs some help before we rent it out and thank heavens my brother will be moving here next week and he is an excellent gardener! Try Garden of Eden here in H.S. if you live here! They are great!Here's a link http://www.gardenofedenark.com/
• finish taxes(this will pay for the lap top)
• get new lap top( not really necessary for all adventures but Hartley needs one for school. What is necessary is a good camera or one of those fancy phones that take great pics and you can send to pics anywhere. I just have to learn to use one at my age!!!)
• social security cards (I have simply misplaced mine I am sure it's not lost.Surely its not LOST!!!)

Whoooh! I am tired just looking at the list! I must confess we didn't get everything done! (Don't feel guilty just do like we do and move it to the next days list!) I may feel abit tired but just knowing that we are in the midst of a grand new adventure is worth it!
Well, peace till we visit again!
OH! Don't forget to play hot and cold with us! Just add your guess to where we might be going in the comment section.I will let you know if you are hot or cold!
Important stuff I forgot to tell you! Don't wear white for your passport pic you will only be a head in the midst of a white background!This was true for our post office maybe yours is alittle more up class. Just a warning!