Be Aware! Mental Health Awareness Month

It was Memorial Day weekend and if I was going to post about Mental Health Awareness Month I needed to get my butt in gear!  Thinking I would write about awareness of mental issues in the church, I had a surprising turn around in my direction.
I met Ms. Bettie.  She is about 80 years old and she is bi-polar and not on her MEDs.  Sweet sweet little lady but definitely in the midst of a manic episode.
I was waiting on her at our annual sale when she turned to me and said " I'm bi-polar and I am not taking my lithium anymore because I don't like the way it makes me feel."  Now that's a conversation starter if I ever heard one!  I replied " isn't  that interesting  I am bi-polar as well!"  I told her that I had gone through many different medications before I found a regimen that I could live with.  All the while we were talking she was gathering.  It was more like hoarding than shopping!  Five or more of one item and up to ten of another item all the while talking about needing gifts for this one or that one and some she wanted just in case she might have someone to give it to.  I knew the symptoms all to well.  I had worked at a store that had really cute dollar items that I gathered daily and stashed them away under my counter like a squirrel preparing for winter.   Actually I had enough squirreled away for several winters! (Still have some in a drawer and I haven't worked there in 4 years!)
I wasn't exactly sure what I should do for Ms. Bettie.  I knew I didn't like to be "handled" when I was experiencing symptoms like her's.  What do you do when you know someone is in need and has even told you so!  Well, one thing I did was terribly wrong.
May I use you as my priest for a moment.  You need to understand that I am a cracker jack salesperson and this looked like the perfect storm!  I suggested an item I knew she would buy just because I showed it to her.  She took all of them and I felt like throwing up for taking advantage of another human being suffering from a mental illness that had complete control of her.  I was so ashamed of myself.  I had even been fighting off making purchases in bulk myself and here I was feeding  her illness. I need forgiveness, please!
After stocking up for a while she took a break to check on her
husband waiting (not so patiently) in the car.  I heard him shouting at her about where in the world are we going to put all these things because there is no more room in our house!
When she returned they had decided to leave and go to lunch because her husband's blood sugar was dropping and he was getting a little agitated with her.  I took a deep sigh of relief thinking that she might forget all the things we had put aside ( around $400 worth of stuff!)
My boss thought it would be best if we just put all the items back into stock (stroke of genius on her part) and if they came back we would just deal with it then.  I didn't have a clue how I would approach her with the news I had put her stuff back out for sale after spending about an hour picking it all out!  Maybe just maybe she wouldn't return and I wouldn't have to deal with it.
Moments later they drove back up after a quick sandwich at DQ.  (What do I do now?)  I gathered myself up and walked out to the drivers side of the car and motioned for her husband to put down the window.  I laid my hand on his arm and told him that I too was bi-polar and understood what his wife was going through and that I would like to help her shop if it would be okay with him. He was obviously moved by my willingness to work with his wife and he said that would be wonderful and please help her find things for herself. Then I broached the subject of putting her things back in stock! Ms. Bettie was not happy with me! But I promised to help her find the things she really wanted and needed. Ms. Bettie got out of the car and we walked together to the sale area and proceeded to shop together! After making some really good decisions I noticed that she had "snuck" a few extra items into her pile. I screwed my confidence up and said "Ms. Bettie this is the last item you are going to buy today." She smiled at me and promised that was the last item and we shook hands on it!
We ended up our time together exchanging phone numbers and addresses, big hugs and lots of kisses! Before leaving the parking lot they backed up and called for me to come to the car and she gave me a copy of the "Upper Room", a Methodist devotional. She wanted us to do daily devotions in sync.  I was blessed.
I have heard from Ms. Bettie and directed her to my psychiatrist.  I hope he will be as good for her as he has been for me.
Mental Health Awareness Month is coming to an end but our awareness never should.
Peace, till we visit again! Stay present, feel your butt in your chair, wiggle your toes and remember to breath!
Names have been changed to protect the innocent.(I used my crazy girlfriends name! Thanks Bettie!

Update on Ms. Bettie, She is safely in hospital under the care of an excellent psychiatrist! Her husband called me this morning just to say thanks and where she was! Pray for her husband as well it is very difficult to be a caregiver in these situations. Thanks and Peace till we visit again!

Walking is not just walking!

I have started to walk again! I have listened to people tell me over and over and over "you just need  to walk, you will feel so much better"! Well it takes a lot of effort and energy sometime to just get out of the chair! Depression and anxiety can put a tub full of glue in your seat! Some people just don't get that! It's not that I haven't wanted to walk or that I was being stubborn I just couldn't get up and out of the chair!
What has made me start to move now? Don't have a clue! It just started sounding like a good thing to do! I also started thinking that it might feel good to be in the fresh air. ( Pause) Fresh air that's a new concept, being inside all the time can be stifling mentally and physically. So now I walk.
Walking can't be just walking for me. I have decided that walking can be pretty boring! (Side step) My counselor is continually reminding me to stay present! "Feel your butt in the chair, wiggle your feet, breath in breath out" it is wonderful advise where ever you happen to be ( even if you are not in a chair you can feel your butt). I am taking this advise on my walks. I stop, breath ( not  just to stop the panting), feel my butt, look around, smell, (not connected to breathing), and listen. It is truly amazing how present you can become and the gifts you are opening up to receive! (Off track) do you still have to say I before e except after c ? I just had to!
My last walk I took my dog and my camera ( crazy combination try taking a picture holding back a 67lb Airedale terrier!). We live in a National Park and only a block from our house is the entrance to West Mountain (photos following). Not having walked much lately it was quite a pull up to my turn around spot!

Starting point!

 Dog "Joe"

 

 Warning Climb Ahead!









Stop, feel butt, listen, wiggle toes, breath, take picture of something!

Summit? No Way, this is my turn
around spot!

 Tired dog! I found that making weird pitched whistling noises he would stop and look up at me! Click!

 

 Home again Home again! Don't be fooled into thinking I climbed a huge mountain because our whole journey was only about a mile!






Surprise!!! I heard a tiny muted thump when something dropped into my path ahead of me! Can you see what it was? Comment if you see it! Sorry it's not the best of photos but maybe you can spot it!

This takes walking beyond walking; it's an adventure! Peace, till we visit again and try to remember to feel your butt in the chair!

Not blogging about Mothers Day!

I should be writing about Mothers Day today but I'm not! Lots of people will be doing that. I do want to take a few lines to say how much I love my children and how truly wonderful they are. So I love you Emily and Richard and just in case you don't read my blog I'll give you a call!
 My mom died June 18, 2006 and seldom does a day pass that I don't think "I need to call mom and tell her..." I guess that will never stop. Mom told me that after  "blank" number of years when Sunday came she would still reach for the phone to give her mother a call. Well I have started to write about Mothers Day after all! It is a very emotional day for me as I am  sure it is for so many of you for so many different reasons. Bless you all and capture what fond memories you can this Mothers Day!
Now that I am not blogging about Mothers Day I guess I will share a story/poem I wrote for my mom.

I knew Mothers Day was close

I saw the plants with little pink and white balls as we rode past on the way to school.

Watching these balls change to flowers I knew it was time.

Riding my bike down the hill by our house with a pocket full of change I made for the Peony Patch!

The gardeners garage was open and full of buckets filled with

Pink , white, deep red peonies.

The smell was overwhelming, I couldn’t turn my nose off as I put my face down to the bucket. I was in peony heaven!

The gardener separated the blooms into groups . Some were for the flower shops others for people just stopping in and then the buckets that were just not quite right for the stores those were the buckets for me. I stayed and stayed searching through each bucket until I had a bunch that I was proud of. The gardener wrapped them in paper and tied them with a coarse string as I pulled out my handfuls of change. Secretly hoping I had enough to buy the ones I had chosen. The gardener said that I had just the right amount!

With peonies under arm I began the trek home up the hill. Huffing and puffing while pushing my bike most of the way I arrived with a crinkled package and a red face.

Momma would always look surprised even if she did know where I had gone! “Beautiful “she said as she gave me a huge hug and a kiss and a drink to cool off.

For my Momma February 24,1918 - June 18 ,2006

    
      

Dream Safe!

I haven't posted in a while because I needed  time to deal with some disappointments. You know from earlier posts the plans we had made about teaching English as a foreign language. You also know from previous posts  that didn't pan out. The last couple of weeks I have been trying to work through my disappointment.
I didn't really have a plan for dealing with disappointment because my expectations were so high for these plans working in our favor. I don't think that having high expectations is a bad thing. Expectations add excitement to life! Expectations add joy to life! We need expectations to live!  However, we also need to learn to deal with unfulfilled expectations as they are simply a part of life.
Some of the feelings that I experience with unfulfilled expectations ( disappointments) are anger, extreme anxiety sadness, depression, as well as failure.
What do I do with those emotions? I may cry, pout, shout, shut down, give up or turn around and put all my stock in another plan!
I feel like these emotions and reactions to disappointments are okay and even normal  for a season, as long as that season doesn't turn into a very long and cold winter. 
Hartley gives me great perspective on negative emotions he tells me " this too will pass". He is oh so right!  Only in the midst of them that  for me that is very hard to hear but it is definitely true.
I am learning ( at 56 years old) to look at my disappointments and try to understand  them. Why did this particular disappointment hurt so much?
I had to look at how much weight I was placing on the expectations of a positive outcome. I felt like our entire future was based on a positive outcome of this expectation. That is way out of whack!
I have to learn to put the right amount of emotional weight on each expectation. That is not easy to do when you're the kind of person that dreams really big dreams and can make up a future that has all the sights and sounds of reality in a moment's time! ( I take MEDs for this) All kidding aside putting too much weight on a situation can cause devastating  consequences. It's time to lighten up a little on the emotional weight we put on expectations, for our emotional as well as physical health. Big hard lesson for me to learn!
I need to allow myself  to dream but not let my dreams drag me into a false reality that can easily turn into a nightmare.
The "disappointment effect" can be overcome and lessened with each disappointment if we learn to live in the now and also become aware of how much weight we are putting on a positive outcome.
Heavy stuff for a little old ladies blog about stuff I should have learned half a lifetime ago. I promise to lighten up in the next post! Well, peace till we visit again! Keep dreaming but dream safe!