I haven't posted in a while because I needed time to deal with some disappointments. You know from earlier posts the plans we had made about teaching English as a foreign language. You also know from previous posts that didn't pan out. The last couple of weeks I have been trying to work through my disappointment.
I didn't really have a plan for dealing with disappointment because my expectations were so high for these plans working in our favor. I don't think that having high expectations is a bad thing. Expectations add excitement to life! Expectations add joy to life! We need expectations to live! However, we also need to learn to deal with unfulfilled expectations as they are simply a part of life.
Some of the feelings that I experience with unfulfilled expectations ( disappointments) are anger, extreme anxiety sadness, depression, as well as failure.
What do I do with those emotions? I may cry, pout, shout, shut down, give up or turn around and put all my stock in another plan!
I feel like these emotions and reactions to disappointments are okay and even normal for a season, as long as that season doesn't turn into a very long and cold winter.
Hartley gives me great perspective on negative emotions he tells me " this too will pass". He is oh so right! Only in the midst of them that for me that is very hard to hear but it is definitely true.
I am learning ( at 56 years old) to look at my disappointments and try to understand them. Why did this particular disappointment hurt so much?
I had to look at how much weight I was placing on the expectations of a positive outcome. I felt like our entire future was based on a positive outcome of this expectation. That is way out of whack!
I have to learn to put the right amount of emotional weight on each expectation. That is not easy to do when you're the kind of person that dreams really big dreams and can make up a future that has all the sights and sounds of reality in a moment's time! ( I take MEDs for this) All kidding aside putting too much weight on a situation can cause devastating consequences. It's time to lighten up a little on the emotional weight we put on expectations, for our emotional as well as physical health. Big hard lesson for me to learn!
I need to allow myself to dream but not let my dreams drag me into a false reality that can easily turn into a nightmare.
The "disappointment effect" can be overcome and lessened with each disappointment if we learn to live in the now and also become aware of how much weight we are putting on a positive outcome.
Heavy stuff for a little old ladies blog about stuff I should have learned half a lifetime ago. I promise to lighten up in the next post! Well, peace till we visit again! Keep dreaming but dream safe!
